Tag Archives: anxiety

Needs a title (please suggest one in the comments, bonus if it relates to fall)

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”
Words muttered in desperate prayer.
Who is it that you hate?
You of course:
The rough cracked pot
The broken human
Days never ending
The world digging into your heart
Begging for a release
Release from this Juptonian Gravity

“I love you! I love you! I love you!”
Words muttered in thankful meditation.
Who is it that you love?
You of course:
The mended pot
The healed human
Days full of possibilities
The world cradling your heart
Begging for a chance
A chance to make a difference, no matter how small

“I hate you! I love you!”
Which is it today?
Shall you rise and fall with the seasons
Changing anon
For one, you shall surely wither into Winter
And the other, bloom into Spring.
For now, you should embrace both
In the multi colored realm of Fall

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Not My Suicide

*trigger warning* 
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one sitting on the couch
The world digging into my heart
tears streaming down my face
no, no more tears
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one holding my head in my hands
Fearing my own thoughts
Breaths coming quickly
breathe, just breathe
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one lining pill bottles on the table
researching the MLDs
wondering how much time is left
Time, no more time
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one drinking a second bottle of wine
pondering my very existence
Will I be missed?
Hope, no more hope.
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one holding the knife
pressing metal to flesh,
tearing into veins;
blood, so much blood
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one on the phone
calling for a lifeline
wondering if anyone can help
Help, just help
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one climbing into the ambulance
answering 50 questions
losing consciousness
Lost, just lost
 
This can’t be me
I’m not the one waking up in the hospital
missing whole days
wondering where I’ve been
alive, just alive
That couldn’t have been me
I’m not the one near the end
my story is not finished;
I persevere
life, sweet life

aSocial Butterfly

butterfly6.1

Oh Butterfly,
Trapped in a prison of its own device-
Four walls and a floor made of glass;
comfortably confining, a contradiction.
It stares out at the world through these walls
wishing, pining, hoping for release.
Yet, the release that it desires
comes at time of its own choosing-
It need only spread its wings
and soar towards the heavens;
to the freedom of the skies,
To the saintly touch of another.
But these glass walls magnify the world,
Distorting its view-
Creating monsters that seem bigger and closer
than they really are.
Even though freedom beckons,
Fright holds its wings closed.
Yet, when Fear takes hold
The Lepidoptera need only close its eyes,
feel the breeze from above,
and trust in the power of its lissome wings
to overcome the vast visions
of its self imposed confinement.
So, fair sky Contessa,
Shall you shudder behind glass all your short life,
and watch the fugacious world fade away?
or will you transform your fear into courage
and leave your four walls behind?
trapped no more in a prison of your own device
Oh Butterfly?